Being in a relationship and not feeling like you’re enough might be the worst feeling in the world.

Bringing It All Back

Last week I got to see a few old friends of mine. We were all drinking far too much and laughing at just about everything which made the moment feel like it couldn't be any better. I don't often get to be surrounded by this specific group of friends but I will say... when I do get the chance to be around them again it always brings my head and heart back home. It brings me back to the nights Annie and I would sneak out of my parents house. It brings me back to working at the movie theater with her and the sheer excitement we had when we had realized that I had just landed her a job, and who on earth would ever think us two best friends would ever get anything done working together? What a joke.
I'm also back in leadership class with Chase freshman year of high school and he's saving me seats in class to stop me form having to sit by the kid that always referenced my boobs or my teeth every time I came to class. Or I'm in his Jeep and were going up Burch Mountain to go mudding while talking trash on everyone that had made us mad that week.
I'm back to Black Lake with Devan and watching him get drunk for the first time and he can hardly stand but he doesn't wipe that smug but happy look off of his face because he is in fact drunk and doesn't know any other facial expression at this point.
I love running into my old friends because those memories in Wenatchee that I had thought I buried deep down and had forgotten aren't actually forgotten after all. It makes me appreciate my dumb teen days and thank God that he has given me people that I can run into every now and again and bring it all back.

It's a boat.. In a pool.

No caption needed. We're just out here living our best lives.

"Stress is resistance to living in the moment."

... I know I said no caption needed. But I guess that in fact was a caption after all. 

When you know... well you know.

"Love of my life." A term that I always found people used too lightly in relationships that they had just begun. I always thought it was silly to proclaim someone as the "love of your life" when you surely hadn't loved enough times in your life yet. How could you possibly know? Well, I know. I also now understand that term a little bit better than I had before. When I met Eli I thought for sure that it was too good to be true. Or that I would find flaws before I knew it, or maybe this was just the honeymoon stage, or maybe he was just putting on a show, or maybe he was actually super mean under all of this.

Boy, was I wrong. He's weirdly me with a different physical anatomy. He is unbelievably sassy and so funny. He can throw it back just as easily as I dish it out and he doesn't ever take things too lightly. He also is a "yes" person. I have never EVER dated a "yes" person like myself. If I ask him to do anything like.. go to a wedding or go to Watershed or take a spontaneous trip to Wenatchee... there are no "no's" and that may really be the cherry on top of the cake. In the short time we have been together we have already done and enjoyed so many adventures.. and thats another thing, we have only been dating for a little while but it feels like so much longer than that. I'm so so so so blessed to be dating someone that I can actually call my best friend and someone that I am truly lucky to share a life with.

Aside from all the mushy, gushy, lovey-ness things definitely aren't perfect. I'd be a fool if I told you that things are always peaches and cream and sunshine and smiles. Of course we have our mind numbingly stupid arguments but we always come back from them even if it takes us a night to sleep it off. That's another reason why I love him so much though.. we move on. We don't sit and fester in it and let it over power our relationship.

I guess long story short.. I really love Eli.

I just have this super beautiful thing I heard in a podcast a few weeks back... Some of you may not believe in God and some of you may believe enough for those around you. But big or small, a little or a lot, please just read this and feel your heart do all the things,

                            "Compared to a  cosmo you are a blimp on a radar. Scripture tells us this life is but a vapor but in the eyes of your creator you are perfect, you are gigantic in his eyes. The God that breathed the stars would call you significant."

Another Birthday

Well, another birthday is coming and going. Everyone always makes fun of me because I am always that type of person that always act like the next number on the age scale will call for a whole new me. This year I feel as if something is different. This year I want to be better, kinder, healthier, the best version of myself. I want to shed all the negative things in my life; whether these things be things said about me, people, extra weight, pretty much anything that questions my happiness and brings me down. I'm getting to the point where my mental capacity is so full that I don't have time for anything but positivity. Twenty-one has been an exceptionally hard year for me. I've battled boyfriends and breakups, lost friendships, the passing of my grandpa and my beloved childhood dog, spent too many nights shit wasted and too many days too hungover to move, I was a much more negative version of myself than what I showed people. I keep saying I can't wait to turn twenty-two because twenty-one really was the hardest year of my life. I don't think i'll change over night or that I'll miraculously become the best person any of you have ever met but I do think that I can start fresh and choose the path I take from here out. Now cheers to the last few moments of being twenty-one but an even bigger cheers to twenty-two.

Question Mark... Question Mark...

Well everyone-... let me rephrase that.. well anyone who might potentially read my blog. I think we have all decided that I’m pretty busy. Pretty busy meaning that I don’t have more than a second to day dream or enjoy the peace and relaxation before the next thing sneaks up. It’s definitely a pain but I put it on myself. I want to be all these different things but not at different times in my life.. all at once. At the moment I teach, coach, run my own chair at a salon, and I am attempting to write a book. When you list all these things out it seems nearly impossible but I make it possible because I want to dip my toes into everything and then go from there... but this doesn’t end. I want to be a surgeon, a special education teacher, a surgical assistant, a life coach, a counselor, a social security worker, a nurse, a nurse in the Air Force, a mom, a wife, an actress, a reporter, a sales person, a secretary. I literally want to be all these things. I’m just now learning that just because I am adaptable doesn’t mean that I need to do EVERYTHING. And if it takes my whole life to find out what my niche is... well I guess I have to be okay with this. And me saying that I guess I have to be okay with this.. well that means I’m really not okay with this. So, if any one has any suggestions on what the hell to do with my life, please do share.

Well, it’s been a minute.... several minutes. If we’re being exact it’s been somewhere around 155,000 odd minutes... if you want to talk about seconds that’s a whole different ball park. I apologize to those of you who take the time to check my blog and have been sorely disappointed by my inability to compose something. It’s just been an absolute roller coaster since the last time I wrote, in that week I was feeling less than myself and ever since then I’ve tried concurring everything thrown my way. Little had I thought that this would be slightly overwhelming. Rewarding, yet very overwhelming. I have started school back up again and it’s been such a great year so far. I’ve also picked up coaching, which is so much fun and I now understand why people coach. I love having a team that looks up to me when they have questions and listens to me and then succeeds. AND LASTLY, of course i'm still doing the hair thing. I really dove head first into my hair business the last few months and I can't believe what a success it has become in such a short amount of time. I've had people that I haven't spoken to in months reaching out to me and asking me if I can do their hair. I've had people from out of no where that I would have never expected reaching out to me popping up in my inbox.
I guess this was just a catch you up type of post... until next time.

False Hope

I promised from the very first post that whatever I dedicated my time to writing about that I would write with honesty and emotion. I am a very chillax person in a sense. I usually brush off the negative things in my life, the drama, the rude comments, the differing views on things, the failed relationships, the oops moments that I wish I could burry deep down into the depths of the earth where I will never find them again, the times where I failed and did not succeed, all of it. I usually just take whatever it is and grow from it and move on and try not to let it weigh on me and to not care. There was I a time I decided to care. I decided to put my walls down after a very long time and stop being so cautious and just be free and happy. I gave myself the hope and the time to devote myself to something far bigger than myself. I let myself laugh, cry, hurt, be happier than I've been a long time and truly just embrace the situation. I made plans for myself that seemed extreme but worth it at the time and I let all my precautions and the nagging in my brain that told me to tread lightly or slow the hell down come to a halt because I wanted to believe that fairy tales happen and people are really how they act and that it isn't a façade. I make a lot of mistakes in my life but those around me enter knowing that I do so and that I try with all my might to move on and grow from all the bumps in the road. I don't believe that people are bad because they decide to change their mind on things or lose feelings or hope but I believe people have the power and the knowledge to know that leaving someone without a reason or explanation on why they gave up is one of the absolute worst things you can do. You leave a person wondering what they could have done differently or why they aren't good enough or just why in general. All of these pondering thoughts being something that leaves a person to believe that they are somehow not worth it. I have watched so many friends in my life and myself go through a situation similar to this that I just hope my generation and those of you who read this understand how truly wrong and hurtful it is. False hope is something that drives right into the depths of all your emotions, it makes you hurt like hell and it does take time to get through but like everything else there is a light at the end of the tunnel (as long as one remembers to turn on the light- thank you J.K Rowling) if you so wish to find it.

On a better note my friends, I got to play in the water today and I got quite burnt but it was worth the laughs and smiles that came along with it. Now on to one of the busier next few days that I have endoured in a long time.
Thank you for reading and stay kind.

Falling

It's that same feeling that you get when you are going up a roller coaster and you just know the drop is right around the corner. It's the same feeling that you get the night of Christmas Eve and you can hardly sleep because in the morning you get to tear through the pristine perfectly wrapped wrapping paper. The same feeling right before you get to sit down to thanksgiving dinner after being shooed and booted from the kitchen all day. The feeling you get when you see a  puppy or see an old friend after quite some time. It's EXACTLY like boarding a plane for the first time... the feeling of excitement and joy and relief and fear and anxiety... and all the butterflies in the world decide to come in and inhabit the brain, the heart, and the stomach all at once. It's like falling. It is falling.

Papa Radcliffe

All my life I have spent it telling my parents how lucky I am to have had them as my role models, best friends, parents, therapist, and adventure buddies. Not a day goes by dad where I don't thank God for the amazing father figure he has given me. You never failed to show me what it takes to work for what you want and love like hell. Watching you as I grew up made me into the person I am today. The person that always strikes conversations with the strangers at the grocery stores or offers to help someone if they are doing a task that seems like too much to them. You have made me into a person that worries less about what other people will think and takes chances just for the hell of it and the experience. You have helped form me into this hard worker and this person that doesn't want to take shit from anyone but also knows how to forgive easily. It honestly blows my mind sometimes thinking about how great you are. Are you perfect? Mmm. No, but you are pretty darn close. Your comedic humor never fails to make an entrance at any God given moment and your sarcasm is always up there at about a nine. You have made me laugh till my sides hurt and throw a couple punches at you when the time is right. I hope that you have an amazing fathers day and that you know how truly amazing it was for me to grow up with a dad like you. I love you.

Done.

I made an executive decision after last night. I, Kaylee Radcliffe, am going to fast from alcohol for at least the rest of this month. I am over the way it makes me feel and the way it makes me act, plus I absolutely HATE not remembering the night. I understand that drinking is fun, sure. It is a grand time but at the same time I would much rather remember what happened and what that funny joke I heard was or if I was being a dick. It isn't worth it to me to have a little extra fun if it comes at the cost of friendships and feeling poorly about myself the next day. I'm sure a lot of people won't understand and won't think I'm any fun but oh well. It is my own choice. I will still go out and I'd love to designated drive for anyone that needs it but my health, my mental health, my heart and my wallet all need a bit of a break.

A short story..

This is a true story:
Once upon a time there were two little girls. One was made with fire like the sun and one was made of a kindness as sweet as chocolate. These two little girls were my sister and I. For those of you that know us you know that when my sister and I were little that she was clearly the spicy one and I was clearly the sweet one. We were a great combination. When my sister and I were little we would go visit Grandma Mryn and Papa Cook in Kettlefalls before they made the move out to Wenatchee to be close to us, Makenzie and I always had a good time. We were like any other pair of little girls. We would adventure up the mountain side and find the perfect area to play house and to play princess games or Pocahontas. As you can imagine... Mak always got to be Pocahontas and I always had to be the friend, I mean she was the older of course which entitled her to the right to be the main character.

Any who...

Grandma was an ICU nurse for many years and so she was always giving us precautionary talks.. At one point in our childhood we went to visit for a few days and grandma had let us know that there was a wild cat in the upper deck of the shed and it had some kittens up there but to make sure that we didn't get near them because if the mom bit us that it could be very unhealthy and dangerous.
Most of us know how Makenzie is. Tell her no and she screams yes. Tell her jump and she said how far. Tell her that she shouldn't like someone and shell love them. Tell her not to cut all her hair off and she'll do a pixie. This is just the way Mak has been since before I can even remember.
"Don't go trying to pet those cats, if you get a bite you can get really sick from it!" -Grandma
Makenzie and I walk out of the room
"Hey Kay, lets go pet those cats." -Makenzie two feet out of the door. I obviously listened to her. She was the boss of me and could also whoop my ass in two seconds flat if I said I was telling on her. Makenzie and I wondered off to the shed as sneaky and sly as we could possibly be. When Makenzie and I got in the shed Makenzie had stuck her hand right up to the cat with no hesitation and she was bit within a few minutes of the conversation with my grandma.
"Kay! What am I going to do? Grandma is going to be so mad! What if it gets infected?"- Makenzie
After Kenzie exclaims how she knows she is going to be in just so much trouble we manifested a plan. I being the little sister decided I would take one for the team. I bit my hand as hard as I could tolerate and wondered inside and asked grandma what would happen if I really did get bit by a cat. I showed grandma my bite and I swear that woman can smell a lie in a ten mile radius because she so slyly suggested that if someone got bit they should wash it immediately and probably put something on it and then looked me smack in the eye and said "Makenzie got bit huh?" and then it was all over from there.

Just a fun little tid bit about my sister and my younger years.

Papa Cook

Loss. Something so earth shattering and heart breaking. Something every single individual will go through in their lives, some more than others. Yesterday morning at 4:08 am I had this feeling of loss. I had that void in my heart that empty hole that told me I had lost someone, it was immediate. I have felt loss in many senses. I've lost friends that chose to move on. I've lost boyfriends that didn't seem to be the one. I've lost keys, and chargers, and shoes, and shirts and all the in-between. However, it had been a long time since I felt loss in which death was the case.
Dwight R. Cook is the kind of grandpa that was always there. He watched you and watched over you all at the same time and even when you didn't think he was listening.. he was. He had an opinion about everything but was very sparse about what he actually shared but when he did it was all ears. Towards the end of his time he didn't hold back on what he shared and it was such a beautiful thing to be around and to hear about when I wasn't there.
He lived a very great life. He played for the New York Giants and the Cardinals, he was a State Patrol Officer for twenty-two years, he was married for close to fifty-two years to a woman that would do anything for him, he had two amazing kids that grew to be amazing parents to their kids, and he was an awfully good father, grandpa, brother, and husband.
No holiday will be the same without him. His recliner that sits in the living room facing the TV just right will never be the same. His end chair at the dinner table during family dinners won't ever be the same. The house, the deck, the kitchen, the computer room, his room. None will ever be the same. As devastating and hard as it is I will never be able to thank God or him enough for waiting to let go until I was there. He wasn't in any pain, he wasn't scared and he knew it was his time. We are so lucky to have had those precious moments in the few days prior to his death where he was coherent enough to let us know how grateful he was for all the things in his life and all his future wishes. He left a huge impact on all of our lives and he will forever be remembered. I hope that us grandkids can live up to his expectations and goals in time.

Twenty, the hardest year yet

What. The. Hell. So, I’m sitting here kind of confused if I do say so myself. Really curious as to why after all this time no one ever forewarned me that being twenty would be by far the worst year of my existence thus far. Everyone jacks you up for twenty. They say “You’re no longer a teen!” but what they don’t say is “Shit, twenty sucks. Have fun this year, it’s the worst one so far.” And before you go arguing in your head about why whatever younger age you are in now is worse, let me give you thirteen reasons why being twenty is the worst year so far.

1.       You’re expected to be somewhat financially stable on your own. Or in my case almost one hundred percent financially stable.

2.       You’re expected to know what it is you plan to do for the rest of your life.

3.       Good old granny comes wandering in asking if you have met “the one” yet. Not old enough to drink but old enough to tie the knot.

4.       If your maturity level is high enough to have older friends, sucks for you. They have plans to go to the bar? You can pre-game and post-game but nothing in between. Guess I’ll see you guys in a few hours and by the time you get back you’ll be trashed and I’ll be Sober Sally yet again.

5.       If you have uptight parents (I’m blessed with the opposite) you can’t even tell them that you understand why craft beers taste so damn good compared to college cheap-o beer. Or that you totally get why they always felt horrible the day after a date night when they drank one bottle of wine too many.

6.       Every bar you pass is tormenting you and laughing at you because you are just shy the legal age to come in and join all the fun.

7.       Sucks being twenty because you aren’t twenty-one and literally everyone categorizes you as a baby. Doesn’t matter if your twenty-first birthday is five weeks from now or five years from now, we’re all the same if we aren’t twenty one yet.

8.       When you’re nineteen you think it sucks but it really isn’t that bad. You are just waiting on twenty and it’s your LAST year as a teenager.

9.       When you’re eighteen, hell you’re an adult. Cheers to jail time if you do any wrong from here on out!

10.   When you’re seventeen you can officially drive your pals around if you got licensed in your sixteenth year.

11.   When you’re sixteen… hell do I even have to explain why sixteen really isn’t that bad.

12.   Fifteen you get to get your drivers permit and you’re that much closer to being the queen or king of the road.

13.   Everything younger than fifteen doesn’t even remotely get to join the list of even potential arguments about why being a certain age is bad. Fifteen and under, you are still living with mom and dad and having them take care of your every needs, hold onto this. You’ll miss it.  

And that my dears, is why I’m just a bit disappointed that no one warned me that being twenty… well it kind of sucks. So, if you are under twenty, it sucks. Get ready, you’ve been warned.

To my best friends dad that walked out on them

It's crazy how possible it is to dislike someone you have never met. I feel like there is so much I want to say to you, so much I want you to understand that you never will unless it's spelt out to you. You can't decide to pop into her life whenever you damn well please. That is so unfair to her. Do you really think 20 years later that she finally is going to forgive you for being the dead beat dad that you've been all this time? Do you think that she'll forgive you for abandoning her, your oldest child, for all the other ones you now have? Do you think she'll ever forgive you for walking out and then making her out to be the bad guy because she doesn't feel comfortable with meeting up to meet all your other kids that you've spent loving and raising all these years? Do you think she'll forgive you for giving her the feeling of insecurity and unstableness in her life? Forgive you for never giving her the opportunity to have a father figure in her life? She says that she wants to be at peace with you and she needs to forgive you finally... To hell with you. I've spent endless drunk rambles hearing about how you fucked her up. How it is you that makes her afraid to fall in love because what if they leave, how she would have learned so much more with a male role model in her life. I have spent the last two years, probably the hardest two years of my life so far, glued to the hip of your daughter. She is the most talented person I have ever met in my entire life. She is brave and strong and funny and wild and beautiful and she is a train wreck. The most wonderful train wreck I've ever met. I wish so badly that you could understand how much you have missed out on, I wish you could see that YOU are not good enough for her. You will never be good enough for her. I hope one day you wake up and realize all these years have gone and how damn lucky you would have been to have spent the time to get to know her. I will never forgive you for the emotional damage you have inflicted on her after all these years. You don't deserve a damn minute with her.

And to her mom, thank you for raising your daughter to become the woman she is. Thank you for playing the role of mom and dad and never letting her give up no matter how hard times got. Thank you for showing her what a strong independent woman who needs no man looks like. You are such an inspiration and I'm sure such a role model to all single moms out there. I love you. Thank you.

Innocence

Being a hairstylist I spend a lot of time cutting kids hair as well as adults..Unlike most hairstylist though.. I LOVE kids haircuts, no matter what a pain it is to cut a moving targets hair. And of course I love adult talk and being able to ramble about politics and careers and adult-like humor but there is something truly special about being able to spend time communicating with little mini humans. Nothing makes my day more than being able to talk to a little kid that has a very unfiltered mind that will word vomit whatever comes to their mind. Lately, I have been taking a little bit of inventory on some of my favorite moments...
3 year old Charlie: "Where's Ben?! (Charlie's four year old brother)"
Me: *Twirls the chair around so that he can face his older brother in the chair next to us
C: "Wow Ben! You look like a popstar!"
M: *Laughs loudly and not very cute and continues to cut his hair.
C: "What?"
M: "What?"
C: "What?"
*This continues back and fourth for at least three minutes*
M: *Spikes up Charlies hair and faces him towards the mirror* "Wow Charlie you look like a popstar!"
C: "Wowwwww, I do look like a popstar, but miss.. I don't dance." *Hops down and trots away*

Few days before
Me: "Sam are you ready little man? I can take you back!"
3 year old Sam beams and runs my direction from the toy area at my work: "I want a fancy haircut!"
Me: "Oh a fancy haircut is that right? Well i'm sure that we can work something out."
Meanwhile this whole time Sam is literally grinning from cheek to cheek.
S: "And hair lady, i'm not a little boy actually.. I'm a big boy now, i'm already three."
M: "You are so right litt- I mean big man. You are such a big boy!"
I continue to give him the new "in" look for little boys with shorter on the sides- longer on top and a hard part. "Alrighty Sam does that look fancy enough?"
S: "Oh man, my dad is REALLY going to like this. I look really fancy huh mom, I'm going to look so fancy in my pictures. Can I have some gels now so I can look fanciest?

Random day
Me: "So who is your favorite superhero?"
Five year old boy: *Lists absolutely every superhero I can think of*
Me: "Who is your least favorite?"
Boy: "That girl one."

Several other occasions on the topic of "How old do I look?"
Five year old little girl: "I think you are 12." second guess: "I think you are 32."
Seven year old little boy: "You're 14 aren't you?" second guess: "counts up till he reaches 20 finally."
4 year old little boy: "Are you 60?" second guess: "are you 10?"

I'm sure from an outside perspective these won't be as appreciated as they were to me, but it's these little conversations that I get and having little contests to see who can cross their eyes best, or wiggle their ears or stay the most still during a haircut is so damn rewarding when you get to fill your piggy bank of good experiences with the most honest humans on the planet.

Passion

Every single day I am blessed with the opportunity to have a load of different people walk into my place of work to get haircuts. I have had people that range from six years old to eighty six years old, business owners, news reporters, truck drivers, stay at home parents, hipsters, hockey players, basketball players (every other sport as well), people with disabilities and the occasional personal family member of my own. I hear so many unbelievable stories every day and even though some people like to believe that being a hairstylist isn't that special of a job.. I will tell you that it was one of the most special jobs in the entire world. Not only am I a hairstylist that will do everything in my power to give you exactly what you want but I am also a lot of those folks shoulder to lean on, their ear to vent to, their person to joke around with, and their one person they can truly confide in without any bias. I am a piggy banks of secrets, fun facts, stories and of course the random cluster of hair in my shirt at the end of the day. 

There is something to say about being twenty and finding something I am so passionate and happy doing. A lot of people say they could never imagine going into the hair industry for a load of different reasons. Here is a cluster of random reasons I hear: 

1. "I couldn't handle the hair all over myself!"

2. "Don't you ever have to handle dirty people?"

3. "Sometimes isn't it just gross?"

4. "It seems too hard.."

5. "I just wouldn't like it."

When I was first considering going into the hair industry I looked at every single one of these reasons on why there was no way I could be a hairstylist. Even the first six weeks of core training in school I didn't think that I could go into hair because I just didn't think I was cut (haha) out for it, now.. not a darn thing on that list phases me. Yes. I have hair EVERYWHERE at the end of the day. In my shirt, all over my hands. There is definitely a reason why I don't wear clear lip gloss to work anymore. Hair flies in all directions in the beauty industry lip gloss and hair is like flies to a fly trap, so onay oremay ipglosslay. The hair thing doesn't phase me at all anymore, which is almost hard to believe since it used to itch me and poke me and tease me all the time while I was in school. 

I do handle the occasional person that doesn't have the best hygiene in the entire world but I am also over that. Breathe through the mouth not the nose. I understand that some people don't have as much care for personal hygiene as others and I have not a single bit of room in this world to judge them on that and I have no way of knowing what their at home life is like or what is going on with them. So, so be it. 

"Sometimes isn't it just gross?" Not to me. 

I don't care if you have a medical degree or you are in school to be the next Albert Einstein, if  you say that being a hairstylist isn't a "real" job or that it doesn't take talent or that it wouldn't be hard... You my friend are so damn wrong. I have the ability to completely alter someones hair in the matter of minutes, good or bad, and if that doesn't scare the shit out of someone that has no idea what they are doing then I don't know what does. I on a regular basis bust my ass to make someone look impressive for that job interview, or hot for that date, or to give them an all around pick me up when they need it. I work with formulas and fades and straight razors and the elasticity of hair and even after going to school and being thrown out on my own I still have to ask questions every single day to better myself as a hairstylist. Nothing irks me more than hearing someone say that anyone could be a hairstylist because I know a lot of beauty school dropees and a lot of people that finished school and never went into the industry because they just couldn't do it and I have seen and redone a lot of shitty haircuts from other hair stylist because doing hair isn't easy and it takes hard work to be a good one. In no way am I saying i'm top notch or perfect or even great yet but I like to think that the hard work I put into it is paying off with satisfied people. 

I wasn't actually sure going into it if I would love doing hair as much as I have but now I am head over heels in love with what I do. I am passionate and I am proud to say I am a cosmetologist. 

Side note, I will never be able to thank my family enough for supporting me financially and emotionally and being my pat on the back through this whole journey. I love you and thank you more than words can describe. 

 

The Calm After the Storm

It has officially been one year and one month since I posted my last blog post. I guess you could say this has been the most crazy year of my entire life thus far. I have graduated beauty school, become a licensed cosmetologist, had my heart broken, fallen out of love, gained and lost a few friendships along the way, and above all felt the utter and beautiful silence after the storm. I never knew it was possible to grow up this much in one single year. I didn't realize how much twelve months, fifty two weeks, three hundred and sixty five days, eight thousand-seven hundred and sixty hours, five hundred and twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred seconds could affect someones life. Here is a little bit about how my life is going but not before this quick side note. I'm sure none of this non-sense is very important to many other people other than my family but if it is, please do enjoy. Since my last blog post I did in fact graduate from beauty school.. only after I busted my ass and spent nine weeks in the beginning of summer doing sixty hours of school a week, no one really tells you how being in one building that long throughout the week can really drain you. Weekends were definitely weird because it was crazy to even have a moments break.
I become a licensed cosmetologist! I am in fact doing hair now in a place where I am slowly but surely gaining people that are coming back to me specifically. There is no better feeling than having someone want to come back to you and see you every 4-6 weeks.
I did get out of a very long relationship and I will not get into the ifs, ands and butts but I will say that said relationship helped form me into the person I am and I will never regret any of the times I had. I hope that this particular individual is so unbelievably happy in all of his future en-devours, and I hope that he finds the love of his life and lives happily ever after. I am a highly sarcastic and sassy person and there is no sarcasm or sass intended in any of this, I wanted to make that very clear.
With any type of growing up of course I have lost a few friends along the way. Whether that be in Spokane or Wenatchee.

But here is the whole point of the story. It's a damn good time to be alive. I no longer let the petty bullshit phase me and i've started letting people walk right out the front door of my life if that is what they so please to do. Sadly, this has been the case with some of my former very close friendships but if that is what makes them happy then that is one hundred percent their choice. I don't think I've ever been so serious when I say this really is my year. I have so many hopes and aspirations and so many things I want to do and accomplish and nothing is holding me back. I already have a handful of very fun, adventurous things lined up for this year and I just wanted to let those of you who were wondering know that I am doing well. I am keeping my head up and I am putting one foot in front of the other and I'm not turning back.

11. I want to be a blended up version of my mom, dad and GRANDMA COOK

     You know when you are a kid and you hear about how no matter what your mother is always right? Well this isn't just the case for my mother it's also the case for her mother. My Grandma Mryn has the kind of sass that catches you off guard and makes your breath catch in your throat for a second as you ponder an equally sassy remark back. Sadly, for me, I never can think of one because I always find myself funnier than other people do, but my sister is the queen of matching my grandmas fiery spirit.
     The thing about my grandma is that she is the type of woman that once was the teenager every rebel dreams of being but she turned out to be an extraordinarily brilliant woman. My grandmas the one I go to when I'm too afraid to face my mom first in fear of disappointing her and yeah my grandma gives me the buisness but she also cushions the blows.
     The thing about grandma is that she doesn't let me feel like I'm failing she makes sure that it's just a bump in the road and it's time to start back over even if I'm two steps back. She's also very blunt and sometimes doesn't have a filter but that's what makes her the worlds greatest grandmother. I have never once seen this brilliant woman shattered or even frazzled a bit to be honest, she is always the one with the strong front on and she makes sure that she is always positive about what may come next. She's a heck of a woman and I wouldn't trade her for the world.